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For Elizabeth

My granddaughter asked me to write something for Elizabeth's(soon to be my grandson's wife) girls wedding shower as they are putting together thoughts for a book for her. This was my contribution and I thought I would share here too, for what it's worth. Cecelia

Marriage


"Sometimes your could eat them up. Sometimes you wish you had."
While friendship is a key ingredient there has to be more....sooo much more....a promise to care for each others hearts...a promise to go that extra mile when what you want to do is hit the door. I really don't know how to describe that certain extra. You have to love with all your heart, because your head will never understand.

Marriage can be the “Hangover” after a really good party, or a lifetime of love and friendship. No guarantees but the most important and difficult part is communication

Most Important: Talk to each other. Don't hold it in or hide from problems thinking they will go away. They don't.. they just build up until the damn breaks

Early in the relationship establish how you will handle disagreements. They will come...

When you have a problem:

STOP:
Stop thinking about what you are going to say next. Focus on what your partner is telling you. Make sure they know you are hearing them.

LOOK:
Look directly into your partners eyes. Let them know they have your full attention.

LISTEN:
Listen with your head and listen with your heart. Don't participate if the other person isn't doing the same thing. It does no good!

Children


GET RID OF THE WORD AND ANY FEELING OF STEP ANYTHING, STEPCHILD, STEPMOTHER...STEPFATHER
   Never introduce yourself as step, refer to them as step...it's always like they are never quite good enough to be your own.

You are marrying and vowing to become one with the children as much as to each other. If you see yourself with the step separation you can never bond as a family. Don't be a step away from loving that child with as much love as you can give. The heart does not know genetics and it is the children who suffer because adults can't get their head on straight.
You cannot fool a child. Tell them often you love them and mean it!

Understand their confusion, pain and help them through it. Let them know you feel their pain of separation from the other parent. Keep loving even when you are rejected.

Teach them to love by giving them unconditional love, pride and acceptance. Let them know they are special, a special gift you received with the marriage and you are grateful they are in your life. You have a chance to make a greater difference than a natural parent because you chose to love, and they always know you chose to love them and they are the child of your heart.
Mema

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