Home‎ > ‎Cancer‎ > ‎RebeccaDawn's Pages‎ > ‎RebeccaDawn Poetry‎ > ‎

March 2009

My reflection.

A lost girl, stares into a mirror.
Her head bald, skin a shade of snow white.
Eyes closed, as tears escape her eyes.
Her breath ragged, worn from life's fight.

She starts to count her ribs.. one, two, three.
Staring at her chemo wracked body..
.. she whispers "God, this can't be me."
She then hangs her head in defeat.

She sits down in front of her vanity.
Staring at her face for the second time.
She whispers again.."God this can't be me."
As she looks at her own lackluster eyes.

She touches the mirror.. with arms that are sore.
In hopes that this can somehow give her comfort.
Yet she still thinks.. "I have nothing to live for."
The crying starts all over.. shaking even her soul.

She tilts her head and whispers a prayer.
"Dear God, I can't live anymore.. take me home."
She shakes her head at how life just isn't fair.
Yet she continue on in hopes God will soon take her.


Result #225 on Mar 6, 2009, 1:25pm


Tears start to heavily stream down my clammy skin.
My future or lack there of is something I can't comprehend.
So many years I know I still had left to live.
My melancholy and morbid mindset is something I can not mend.
My hands shake of all that will be left behind.
My funeral I plan with all the sad songs they want played.
My heart and soul hurts for what will be gone.
But, remember when I'm gone don't let my memory fade.
I know I'll be looking down on you, so please smile.
This is when I should be saying my every goodbye.
But, I'm having a hard forming the word on my lips.
Even though I know it's only a matter of time before I die.
I try to remember the days when I didn't have a care.
But, it's all muddled up with things I should of done.
My story written.. yet all I can think is how it's not fair.
Each day the pain grows, and the smiles come less and less.
The bitterness is growing no matter how much I push it away.
At the age of 26.. I'm going to die, how did I get into this mess?


Result #212 on Mar 8, 2009, 11:14pm

Hope In Death.

(H)andleing my last requests with dignity.
(O)bserving those around me who cared more than I knew.
(P)eople who continue to love me no matter the bitterness.
(E)very word they say I take to heart and store away.

(I)ndications of what I'll lose envelops my soul.
(N)o matter the pain, I know they loved me.

(D)evastating revelation of what I have not done.
(E)valution of what I have done and if it was enough.
(A)rticulation gone out the window with my soul aching.
(T)emptation to drown my sorrows in toxins.
(H)opeless seems to be the only thing that floods my mind.


Result #201 on Mar 9, 2009, 3:14pm

My funeral

All smiles have now faded.
A dark cloud of gloom lingers.
Tears wash off the facades.
Deafening silence follows.

I stand at the back, looking.
A sea of black, everywhere.
My eyes rest on my mother.
As her body wracks with pain.

I see my husband, and tears fall.
His head shakes in disbelief.

His posture hunched with pain.
There are murmured words I can't hear.

Pictures of me project on a wall.
As a child, a teenager, and adult.
Smiles form, and tears still fall.
A song plays I haven't heard in years.

I want to run.. just run.
I want to soothe my mother's tears.
I want to calm my husband's fears.
My pain has ceased yet there's hasn't.

They gather together in a black car.
Traveling to a land where the dead lay.
I watch as my body is being put in the ground.
Then my spirit begins to fade..


Result #188 on Mar 10, 2009, 7:39pm

Life's Pain.

Life always changes in the flash of an eye.
But pain and hurt is something you can't deny.
There's no reason why I should feel this way.
There's no reason why I should have to pay.
Other's discretions go blindly unseen.
While some have to wash away a dirty sheen.
A noose I seem to wear around my neck..
..if not taken off will soon be my life's train wreck.
Why do I feel unclean?
Why do I feel as if I'm not seen?
Why do all of these wounds bleed and not heal?
Why doesn't apathy grow stronger and make me unable to feel?


Result #170 on Mar 12, 2009, 7:12pm

Pretty Death Gown.

These shreds of glass sting my skin.
Ripping outside and every organ within.
Left bruised and bleeding.
Praying to God and pleading.

I bandage my wounds and scars.
I cover it up with dark makeup and little black stars.
I hide the pain under a fake smile.
But, inside I'm screaming all the while.

I dress myself in a frilly dress.
Just because it's less maintenance and stress.
I put on a necklace and center it just right.
I brush on bronzer because I'm so pale and white.

I pull the long sleeves down to my hands.
Just so they can't see the chemo needle's brands.
I comb the wig and place it on my head.
It's good I won't need this ole thing when I'm dead.

I fix the wrinkles in my long skirt.
And wince as I sit down.. oh the hurt.
I clasp both hands in my lap.
As if I decided to adorn my dying body in gift wrap.

One black tear falling down my bronzed cheek.
My breath falls short, as I feel weak.
I then clench the seat with nails digging down.
At least it was while wearing my pretty death gown.


Result #156 on Mar 14, 2009, 6:16pm

Fell to grace.

Before, everyday I felt as if I was falling from the highest of towers.
That the earth and destiny pushed me down with it's powers.
Scared and alone with my eyes closed tight.
Plummeting to my demise with no way to fight.
The only thing I can think of is what will be at the bottom, in the end.
Will there be nothing, and are these the last moments that I'll spend.
My breath gets shallow as I pass out from the shock.
As I open my eyes I realize I'm safe in your arms as you rock.
You softly whisper the most beautiful words in my ear.
And it feels like your voice is the only thing I've ever been able to hear.
I look up to see the the soft smile on your loving face.
In that moment I realized I had fallen to grace.


Result #147 on Mar 16, 2009, 10:16pm

Left in the dark.

Crouched in a dark alley.
The rain falls fast and hard.
Like needles on fragile skin.
Street lights blown out by rocks.
No house anywhere for shelter.
No trees to seek for refuge.
Startled by the sirens' sound.
A body heavy from running.
No silver lining in the dumpster.
Pain clings on like ice in the spring.
Sleeping on a bed of nails.
No one searching for your body.
Another dying star in the smoggy sky.


Result #138 on Mar 19, 2009, 4:59pm


I watched him as he became disoriented and violently he shook.
His eyes blank, when I called his name he didn't even look.
My fear set in, and my maternal instincts became strong.
Please, Dear God.. this can't be happening, what's wrong?

I held him as he seized all through the night.
I whispered softly "You can't leave me, fight."
The tears fell, as I softly petted his fawn colored fur.
Dear God please, I hope there is some sort of cure.
My deep fear and depression was shown in my eyes.
I didn't know that later I'd have to plan his demise.
Later that morning, watching him with a needle in his skin.
My heart was breaking, and emotions stretched thin.
Sedated from the medication laying on that metal table.
I tried to think of something else but I wasn't able.
Oh my beloved best friend, ball of joy.. my wonderful pet.
Hearing my mom's whispers.. "darling don't fret."
Every time he awoke I saw the real him drenched in pain.
Watching as they inject more fluid into his vein.
I was told that he may never come out of it.
All I could do was pray that the seizures quit.
Looking at the vet as he just shook his head.
My tears fell more, body wracking, as my soul bled.
They told me it would be better to end his life.
I felt as if I was being stabbed with a sharp knife.
I couldn't let him go on any longer in this pain.
They said it would be simple just a little more liquid in his vein.
As I walked out of the office I broke down.
I felt as if my world was gone and I was about to drown.
I knew my pet and best friend of 3 years would be no longer.
I was told by those around me that that it would make me stronger.

Rest in Peace my beloved Ty.. 2006- 3/18/2009


Result #135 on Mar 20, 2009, 9:03am

The Widow Waits. (Warning: violence.)

Please bare with me, it's not often I write fiction.

Dressed in all red with a shade of black.
A sharp turn reveals a knife in the back.
The body falls, in a beautiful mess.
There's no one around to confess.
Scratches appear on the wall.
She was the only one on call.
Her sins laid out for all to see.
Stage left.. the aristocrat sips his tea.
All the while in the back a fire burns.
The killer's wife catches the twists and turns.
She dresses herself in dainty black lace.
Waiting to see her husband's face.
A knife hidden in hand, behind her back.
Paranoid, she hears every snap and crack.
Her heart beating wildly and hard.
This time it'll be him who gets the death card.
Here he comes adorning that smug grin.
Wreaking of his usual cigar and gin.
He grabs her body in a drunken embrace.
This time he won't get his usual chase.
Her fingers grab the knife harder, still.
In her mind she thinks.. "kill."
Then with flashes of death in her head.
She plunges in the knife as his sins are bled.
A virgin to this kind of evil thing.
She feels the weight of what she did with a sting.
Tears pool in her eyes, as she sinks to the floor.
she's not even innocent anymore.
Another fire burns in the back.
As she stares at her insurance money in a stack.
All this time it was her that had been waiting to kill.
On to the next victim who's blood will spill.


Result #131 on Mar 21, 2009, 1:21am

Only you.

The words that echo my heart, soul, and tongue.. seem to continue to flow
effortlessly. If you are to find these words beautiful let it be known that they
only come from your inspiration. For you are the light of my life and the beauty
that you see in my soul. Only you, my beloved. I shan't pretend to be able to see
anything past you. For you are even in my own reflection. Oh my love, I will not
pretend that there is anything else in my life that as important as you, and your
love that you have so graciously shown me. I know that your lips were made souly to
be pressed against mine. That your large hands were made to envelop my tiny ones. My
eyes are capable of seeing only you. I continue this life and breathing in the air
souly for you, and you alone. For you are the one that has given me the strength to
continue to trudge through these muddy waters. My dearest husband let it be known that
it is you and only you that I awaken each day for. That it is only you that I bleed for.
Only you my love.. only you.


Result #117 on Mar 26, 2009, 11:10am

My Battle.

My blood is boiling with a new day.
My clothes damp from a late night's sweat.
My pupil's the size of a crack addict.
My breath labored, ragged, and hard.
The pallor of my skin, the color of snow.
The pain immanent on my pale face.
I grasp the sheets as I scream.
Every inch of my skin feeling bruised.
My fingertips sore and bleeding.
My eyes hurt from crying and exhaustion.
My feet and legs feel sore and broken.
Yet, I put my feet on the ground and walk.
My throat and stomach raw from retching.
Yet, I swallow those pills anyway.
This future, a mountain I can't possibly climb.
Yet I venture higher despite it.
At night I pray I won't wake up to see another day.
Yet, I do it anyway.


Result #108 on Mar 27, 2009, 10:54am

My Pain.

I feel as if I can no longer carry on.
This feeling of razorblades flowing..
...through my veins cutting deep.

This pain overpowering, it reaches my soul.
My skin that is so hot to the touch..
..feels bruised and cut as I cry.

This cancer runs rampant through me.
Destroying every part of my life..
..it's eating away at me everyday.

My shadow a skeleton of my past self.
My ribs visible through this thin blanket..
..my eyes sunk in as if this was my sin..

Facing my mortality head on each day.
I can't help but scream at God why..
.. why me? Why now? Why so cruelly?

The tears fall from my eyes as my body wracks.
Pain in every inch of my body.. every pore..
..this is my life, my reality, my pain.


Result #101 on Mar 27, 2009, 1:12pm

She awaits.

Awaits she's adorned in heels.
A surprise under the tan of her coat.

As she awaits by the door.
On the edge of her seat.

Her shadow is cast on the floor perfectly.
Her legs smooth, just for him.

The pampering of hours apparent.
The smell of her skin wafting to the next floor.

Eyes drift to the ceiling in wonder.
What beautiful unattainable creature could that be?

Her heart jumps as she hears the doorbell.
In all her elegance she glides her long legs to the door.

The smile that greets her, soft.
Oh how long she's been awaiting that soft embrace.

His hands soft upon her skin.
Her eyes drift close as his arms envelop her waist.

The door then shuts softly.
Her tan wrapping opened and slid to the floor.

This, being what she's been waiting for.
The lights dim and the love between two drift into the nig

Copyright © Rebecca Dawn
(Picture and poem)

Result #87 on Mar 28, 2009, 2:21pm

Darkness in beauty.

The darkness so apparent in beauty.
Whimsical shadows cast from a crow.
A cliff on the edge of pure zen.
Bright flowers bloom on dead bark.
The darkest sky in the purest of memories.

Belleza en la oscuridad.

Copyright © - Rebecca Dawn
(Picture and poem)
Result #78 on Mar 28, 2009, 3:16pm

Terminally Ill.

The terminally ill, with our balds heads.
Our shaking hands.
Our pain that can not be articulated.
Our tearful eyes.
With our ragged, pain soaked breaths.
Our sunken in eyes.
With bones that jut out far past our discretions.
A ticking time clock.
We walk a thin wire with blood dripping on the ground.
Our beds soaked with sweat.
Needles that enter our arm, without a choice.
A war that can't be won.
We see the looks of pity that aren't wanted.
We continue to run with thin souls.
Thankful for every hand we hold, and smile we see.
Real compassion comes sparsely.
Seeing every head bowed beyond our behalf.
Our souls that bleed.
Bleed for us, bleed for those like us.

Thank you to everyone who supports cancer research. Thank you to everyone who has ever held the hand of someone who's dying from this horrid illness. Thank you to everyone who has ever said a prayer or sent a positive thought for me or anyone in my position.

Copyright © - Rebecca Dawn
Result #69 on Mar 29, 2009, 11:53pm