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February 2009

My escape.

I step into another world of words and folklore.
I live in another time of black and white Noir.
And within those past times I leave it all out the door.
Within this story my every desire comes true.
It's all gone in this grayish hue.
A place of beauty and simplicity I can escape too.
All these characters bring a smile to my face.
Adorning myself with arsenic and old lace.
A time where violence was almost non existant no need for a gun or mace.
A place where chilvary isn't dead, and people wear a soft smile.
As I drift away outside the earth is close to ending all the while.
Inside this box there are no petty fights and no one to rile.


Result #355 on Feb 18, 2009, 12:52pm


I sit and berate my soul for hours on end.

Wondering what's wrong with my mind to have such things possessing me.

Rock back and forth as I let the lullabye sore through my mind.

My eyes close as I let it all sink in.

The closest door closes, and yet here I sit.

The only sound you hear is that of my labored breathing.

Scared, cold, and alone.

The piano is my master.

It sets me free.

As I play until I can do no more.

My fingers hurt.. and the notes flow.

My soul composed into a song.

The notes are what I feel, what I see, what I am.

It's here I'm free.


Result #353 on Feb 18, 2009, 1:17pm

Empty garden.

Reoccuring doubt, hell opens up with a light so bright one can't even imagine to see.
In this unholy place the delusions of granduer sets in upon those that don't want it anymore than the next.
You're dying alone and living a life that deserves to be appreciated in a world that is filled with sadness and remorse.
With that, I can't help you.
Holes you keep digging so deep that soon they're going to swallow you whole.
You don't ask questions, you don't think with a logical manner, you just sit and let it come.
Ignorance is appalling, It's your chosen destiny. Or so you seem to think.
"Heart of gold" Is nothing but a farce, don't they know that your heart is tarnished and I won't hand you the jewelry polish?
Your hands shake with a thought of the mistakes that you've made.
Grow old and selfish and alone it's going to happen.
Let no one into that world that you keep so secret.
I doubt anyone really wants a key to an empty garden.
If you don't water flowers they die.
Guns don't kill people, emotionally challenged people do.
Oh is my harshness to hard to take and unyeilding?
My breath cold, and my heart no longer anywhere near warm, I see you holding the ice.
Your insensitivty and self absorbed eliteness will get you nowhere in this world.
You think those baby blues will get you out of a pickle that'll do nothing but break you in the end?
Wrong dear. Bat those eyelashes until the day is long, you'll go nowhere but down.


Result #347 on Feb 18, 2009, 2:00pm

Love beyond death.

Even though at some point I might have lost my way.
Every path has led me back to you.
In your heart and soul is where I beg to stay.
For it's your love that seems to be the only thing in my life that's true.
I believe that love can see us through beyond death.
I'll be right beside you forever more.
You're in my every breath.
I'll always be a seashell that finds it's way back to your shore.
When we've been told our journey has come to an end.
Know that our love transcends all.
Forever and eternity with you I'll spend.
Even beyond this life I promise to be there to catch you if you fall.


Result #340 on Feb 18, 2009, 2:32pm


My mind wanders as I sit in the much dreaded chair of despair.
Waiting for this toxic medication to sore through a vein in some hope to alleviate the later pain.
This evil IV, springs thoughts of jealousy.
For those who haven't been robbed of their energy, faith, and hair.. those without any other care.
Tears fall from my eyes as I push away those feelings I despise.
My heart aches for a cure, something that does not rob us of who we are, something pure.
Death hangs over my head, as I try to patch up my soul that has bled.
With passing days I become more weak, without any desire to speak.
And I begin to shake with the thoughts of my dimming future, I bow my head to beg God for a break.
I beg for every cancer patient, and those that hold them dear, I see the pain of many when I glance in a mirror.


Result #339 on Feb 18, 2009, 2:56pm

It's all in vain.

They say good intentions pave the road to hell.
I see hidden mass confusion and secrets everyone wants to tell.
They all nod and say they understand.
Yet they have no idea how it feels to be sinking, far away from dry land.
Their fake smiles plastered on their face.
In their cookie cutter houses nothing out of place.
Pushing anyone and everyone out of their way.
Yet there are people who fight for their life, with the biggest price to pay.
Don't think I can't see through it all.
As I climb this hill that seems entirely too tall.
Don't forget the mother with her starving baby.
While you sit and wonder what to get at Starbucks, hm maybe.
Your pressed business suit.
Your perfect daughter that plays the flute.
And you continue to walk blindly through the pain.
Don't you understand that your existence is all in vain?


Result #333 on Feb 18, 2009, 6:36pm 

The end is near.

I awake today like any other day.
I step out of bed with this feeling of decay.
This disease threatening to swallow me whole.
The more time passes the more it takes it's toll.

In the body of the old at the age of twenty-six.
A counter dangling over my head, with it's loud violent ticks.
When that final day arrives I will go with no qualms it will be the last of my clues.
I'm not afraid to drift into the vast unknown, I know I've paid my dues.

With my aura a shade of indigo.
I'm self-aware, and know of my pain but have learned to not let it show.
My creative side allows me to express my pain and past remorse.
As I make peace with my demons I let it all run it's course.

In limbo is where I stand.
Between hell and the holy land.
I close my eyes and melt away to the time that is near.
A feeling of serenity envelops me and washes away all fear.


Result #327 on Feb 19, 2009, 11:43am


I blamed you.
For my loss.
For my pain.
For my innocence
that was taken.
For my blood
that I spill.

These aren't choices
that I willingly made.
For the tears.
For my loss of faith.
For the toxin that
flows through my veins.
For every last pill.

The hair that was
robbed from me.
Along with my dignity.
You take it all away.
Leaving me hopeless
Left here to weep.
All my wishes you steal.

God, why did you leave me?
What did I do?
I did nothing to
forsake you.
At an early age...
Why is it me that
you're trying to kill?


Result #318 on Feb 20, 2009, 11:16am

I climb.

As I venture.
Sun in my eyes.
How long have
I been out here?

I continue to climb.
Sand in my eyes.
Blisters bleeding.
Ragged breath.

Soles worn thin.
A fear of falling.
The wind against me.
Help me hold on.

Tears escape.
I grip harder.
I can no longer
see my destination.

All this pain
no relief in site.
I continue.
My faith blind.

The darkness
beckoning me.
Do I go on?
Or give in?

With those that
have fallen
haunting me.
I climb.

I beg
rescue me.
This madness
will be my demise.


Result #309 on Feb 21, 2009, 6:24pm

Dear father,

This is a letter to say my goodbyes.
You're the one I've always despised.
Leaving us alone in the cold.
Your exit, anything but bold.
You gave up your turn.
When you left us in the fire to burn.
The youngest of us less than one.
Yet you felt the need to run.
You lied to my face.
Saying I was a waste of space.
You saw my pain as I cried.
Yet a love for us is something you never tried.
We lived on the streets because of you.
Your love is all we wanted yet you never got a clue.
Even as you neared death.
There was no "I'm sorry" in your last breath.
I forgive you for all of this.
Yet you're not someone I'll ever miss.


Result #304 on Feb 21, 2009, 7:16pm

I won't let him win. *warning*
This is a piece about child sexual abuse. If you're a sufferer of it, this might set off triggers.

So please don't read if it will upset you. That is the last thing I want.

At the very age of young
My childhood was hung.
With hands in places.
That invaded all my spaces.
Left curled up and torn.
Parts of me worn.
Blood stained the sheet.
Next night it would repeat.
I felt damaged as I'd weep.
Nightmares awakened me from sleep.
I would never be the same.
I was unaware of what later came.
The pain haunted me.
Hate was all I could see.
With a knife in my hand.
I cut as I watched the blood land.
Left in a puddle of defeat.
The memories in my mind on repeat.
No relief in sight.
Yet I wouldn't give up the fight.
With these tears that still drip sore.
My past isn't what I live for.
Nightmares still sprinkle my mind.
If only I could go back and rewind.
If only I knew now, what I didn't then.
I wouldn't have let him win.
It tore apart my body, innocence, and soul.
I won't let my past swallow me whole.


Result #261 on Feb 23, 2009, 10:32am

Tight rope.

I walk this tight rope.
With no net below.
Devoid of hope.
My fear I refuse to show.
Arms out beside me.
Every step thought out.
The safe stand I can't see.
I try to erase the doubt.
My breath labored and fast.
I try to balance with poise.
How long could this last?
All I can hear is noise.
I'm so afraid to fall.
My eyes slowly shut.
I finally hear out your call.
As the rope begins to cut.
My blood drips below.
As I search, you're the one I see.
Yet I plaster a smile on for show.
Please save me.


Result #245 on Feb 24, 2009, 7:39pm


I slow dance to the music of your voice.
Wrapping myself in the blanket of your words.
Sliding my eyes closed to your sound, that soothes.
I softly smile at the almost inaudible click of your tongue.
From here, I can feel your breath against my skin.
Goosebumps appear when I hear the words I yearn for.
You're my night time lullaby.


Result #232 on Feb 26, 2009, 9:29pm